The High Priestess

 

What is a myth?

People used to think that lightning was a magical power from the gods. They still believed in lightning as a myth until one day Benjamin Franklin flew a kite and played with lightning. Then people began to realise that lightning is electricity, not, as the myth says, the power of the gods. 

A myth can be something that we cannot yet understand. Like the energy of the universe that flows into signs. And today I read you for the first time. You shuffled the cards I gave you with apathy because you've always glorified logic. 

Card after card came up with a story that I already knew. You seemed to feel that I was making things up. But I had explained the symbols of the tarot cards and how they appeared like your paradoxical life story? Coincidence? 

That day your cards are three queens accompanied by an excruciatingly sharp sword. But my attention is drawn to one mysterious card called The High Priestess. This card always appears in the middle of complicated things. She invites one to look deeper into the subconscious. Things we can't just talk about with logic. 

How can I read you when you are too rational? Every interesting story and word of yours is your subconscious. I'm not saying that they are lies. But the subconscious is your naked self. 

I want to delve into even the worst dreams. I want to see the signs you've always dreamed of. I want to soak in the myths you've built from the shards of your messy life. Then I want to give it all back to you and explain the meaning of The High Priestess card better. Not like when I read you that time. 

At a Crossroads

Do you ever ask where life is heading?

All I know is that life moves on. Leaving the past as memories. Or the shackles of trauma that manifest in my deep sleep. Life keeps going, faster and faster, until I forget to slow down. I don't have time to look right or left. Carrying on today without giving time to realise the meaning of the journey. Has I forgotten to ask where life is heading?

Until one day my journey meets an intersection. Suddenly I remember that life is not always straight. There is doubt, there is fear, is there hope? Someone has just suddenly appeared in my life. He is at the crossroads. Do I have to turn? Can I turn? Because it turns out that my life has been shackled. Because it turns out that his life has also been shackled. And I know that we are no longer alone together. 

I seem to have turned the corner and fallen into his heart. And today he ask me what is love?

Love is the longing when I left you trapped in your fifth floor apartment. Love is regretting why I just met him at this crossroads of life. Then he tell me that my mind is too shallow to call love a sickness. Then what does he call this pain if not a sickness?

Well, I have to be honest that love is his thin smile. Love is the warmth in his arms. Love is the happiness hr give even though he may not realise it. 

If that day comes, which I don't know when, I won't call love a disease. I will call it something else. 

For today let me sing him a song, that will make his heart ache until he die.

“I’d be closer. I’d be stuck in this kind of relationship

At least there are memories can pick

I am lucky to have them or not

Where there is love, not luck”

            

            Waa wei - Someone

On an Encounter

 

What brings you here?

You came in the name of friendship over a pleasant lunch table. Your stories are interesting, but your presence captivates me. If anything needs a reason, I found no reason to meet you in the days that followed. 

Today, we both lie with desire and emptiness. We both want each other but I find bitterness in every peck you throw. My mind asks, what have you been through all this time?

Are you going to let me strip you naked even though we have taken off all our clothes? I want not only the beauty of your body but the large, gaping scars. It's scary, creepy, a reminder of how horrible the past was. I want to feel it with my feelings that have been dulled by logic. 

O sweet thin lips, dance and tell me whatever you want to tell. But if you are tired of dancing, let me see your calm eyes. I know that sometimes there is something that cannot be expressed with language. There are deep things that we never know and make it a mystery. Let me dive deep, to the bottom of your heart, the dark, the cold, the miserable. I want to drown. 

You know, it's so easy to be together in good times. I don't want that ease. So once again, let me hear your tales of woe and make me a submissive. You might laugh, how would a selfish and naive person like me make your stories meaningful? 

Laugh, laugh, mock me until you are satisfied. Strip me naked with my lackness. I want you to do it until you cry on my shoulder and tell me that you have been hurt and it hurts a lot. At that moment, I also want to say, that I am also hurt and can you hold me tighter. 

Hug me so tightly that we forget that there is goodbye in every encounter. 

Our hands are linked together as if we don't want each other to count every second that passes. The feeling is crazy, so pleasant when together, so deadly when apart. Loneliness wrapped around the heart, making it ache senselessly. I feel the same way. You know we are both lonely people. We are a pain in the arse!

Until that day comes.

I want to ask you if you will be ready to get hurt again for the happiness we feel right now?